He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I need a beard to bite.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
