Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
