you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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