If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
