exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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