i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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