my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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