Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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