I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
