wakey wakey hands off snakey
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
