All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I am mentally ready for anal.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
