i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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