Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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