The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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