is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
