I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
