Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
