I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
