my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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