I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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