Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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