He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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