I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
