I wanna passion pit in your ass
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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