Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's shark week go big or go home
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
