Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
