I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
