He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
