This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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