You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
