3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
