Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
