were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
