I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
