How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
