I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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