peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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