google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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