VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
