Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
