everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
