Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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