Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
