You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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