i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
