I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i've created a new STD.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
