I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
