just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
