Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
