some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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