God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
