My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
