they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
